Fighting Fair is vital to all relationships. But how? How do we experience God's blessing even through disagreements?
Message from Scott & Jeanny
This is fight club, what happens at fight club stays at fight club. This actually is pretty accurate to relationships as well. After a few months of dating or marriage, you know what I am talking about. Yes, the first few weeks your significant other couldn't do a thing wrong. Everything they did was cute and caused little butterflies to soar through your stomach. But now, now you see the true side. Sometimes they are annoying, they say and do some downright upsetting things.
But here is the problem, you may think that fighting is wrong, so when it happens you attempt to survive the fight. When a fight erupts you think something unhealthy is happening. Other people don’t do this right? That other couple has it together. But fighting should not be looked at in this way, it is a reality of the relationship. Two humans with two different backgrounds are coming together, what do you think is going to happen? But there is an important point that you MUST apply to the relationship, fight fair.
One way to experience a better outcome of arguments is the action of stopping and listening. Ya, shut your mouth for a second. I know your rebuttal is really awesome and will end the fight with you victorious but don’t. Just stop and listen. Why is this so important? Because the tongue is a dangerous weapon. The words you say can do a lot of damage in your relationships.
A hot-tempered person starts fights; a cool-tempered person stops them. | Proverbs 15:18
I (Scott) like to blame it on my education (but that is just a cop out), I like to argue and win. I really do, my bachelor’s degree was in Philosophy and that meant debating a point of view. So I would argue every point with energy and enthusiasm. Making sure my wife knew I won. I am victorious. My argument is better. Instead what she did know was that I was sleeping on the couch.
Arguing to win cannot and should not be the goal in an argument with your spouse. If you argue to win your relationship will lose. Your goal should not be to win the argument but for resolution and healing. Make that your goal in arguments and you will experience a blessing.
And through fights, you will experience opportunities to apologize. Yes, you will do something dumb and need to apologize. I know it is hard to believe but you will put your foot in your mouth and say/do something hurtful and messed up.
Be quick to apologize and when you are receiving an apology be quick to forgive. This is the beauty of God at work in relationships, restoration and healing are possible when we humble ourselves and seek God.
Q - Recall some of your first fights, how have they changed over time?
Q - Share how your parents, siblings, relatives fought. How has that shaped your arguments?
A - Write a note to your spouse/significant other expressing your love.
Q - When is the best time to address issues? Some people want time while others want to deal with it immediately.
A - Create a list of ground rules for fighting fair.
A - Share a funny fight, we all have them…
A - Share one of the good things that happened in your marriage/relationship. Something to celebrate.
A - Apologize. There is something said or done that deserves recognition and an apology.
A - Do something special for your spouse today. Anything, just surprise them.